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[31 Aug 2003|03:59am]
Your life is so healthy now, you must be proud of yourself, my dear. I apologize for my selfish ego, but I am truly disappointed. You have lost part of your beauty, you're getting old. You need to bring your new girlfriend to a supermarket to choose vulgar dinner recipes. She's tanned and dresses like a tragic pop star suffocated by mediocrity. And she is OLD like a dead fish. You look tired, fat and ugly, your hair is not as soft as it used to be. But, successful or not, you're now officially a healthy young man, trivial and satisfied by routine. Maybe happy, maybe not. Congrats... you've thrown away your youth, and your beauty is gone. I've sacrificed four years of my life for this day, for finding out another of my personal myths is dead. The symbol of my teenager's gloomy days, the pretty face that used to torture me day and night... it's all gone. Sacred values of my yesterday's deliriums vanishing, all of a sudden, annihilated by the vision of a man picking up tomatoes in a provincial supermarket's hour. To warm up my heart, in my ecstatic dreams I kept on talking to you, during the last five years, always waiting for the day I could come to you, sitting in a lonely place like a wounded sphynx to offer my ultimate explanation. I still had the hope I could erase the misery thanks to the power of words. I strongly believed in "ifs" and "maybes". I can laugh now, relieved and saddened at the same time realizing everything must come to an end.
03 - Disconnected

[18 Aug 2003|07:40pm]
I've never imagined Paul Morrissey to be a Catholic bigot cursing Rock'n'Roll and pornography for ruining the minds of younger people (though he has some very good points to say so) and Andy Warhol to be a dyslexic unable to understand the meaning of a word as "aesthetics", asking for someone else's support to invent the reasons behind his works. From the abyss of my ignorance, I admit I am shocked, lol. You cannot trust books, or you cannot trust documentaries. Or you cannot trust both. In this case you can decide to not trust Paul Morrissey himself. But Andy Warhol... dyslexic... eek...

[31 Jul 2003|06:18am]
Candles are melting because of the hot/sunny weather. I feel sick. These temperatures for more than one month... it's definitely too much for me. I'm melting too, in the depth of my brain.

Lately, I've been asleep. Meaning, I completely stopped using my head, just to not have to reboot my machine-brain everytime something went wrong. Which happens very often. And to be honest, it's not that I think it's my fault, after all. Btw, yesterday I had a long and tiring conversation with an old friend. Apparently I've not changed much. I'm still the centre of my universe. While others... They've changed. They've become "adults" in the most nauseating sense of the word. God they're so prosaic. Or so unable to measure the distance between their stupid beliefs and the rest of the world... and the actual state of things. Maybe I'm more cynical than I was expecting, but in these situation I have to stop myself from laughing and spitting in their face. I just sit in front of them and wear my disgusted expression, but they don't notice, since they're 100% sure of what they say. And they're too busy watching/envying others' clothing style, muscles, or whatever. So they're not very focused on what I have to say or on the meaning of the conversation. I'm not the holder of the ultimate truth, but I can't digest a speech about "true selves are all special to me" while I'm talking of social history. No way. That's just unbearable. It's like listening to Care Bears. And I hate Care Bears. And thinking about the fact these persons (the old friend above mentioned, to be more specific) got a psychology degree to talk like a Care Bear, well, this is simply sickening. Completely. In 10 years I could have to send my daughter (it's not that this is going to happen, it's just an example) to see a psychologist that talks like a Care Bear. In the end I don't care, but no, this is just too upsetting. I've sent my friend home after three hours of one-sided discussion (how can you have a serious discussion with a Care Bear who keeps on telling you "You're so special! I love you for your true self!" and I frankly don't want to know what my true self is according to her). I felt like a complete idiot later. For wasting my time like that. For talking too much with someone who doesn't get anything of what you say just because... just because it's nature that decides.

But that doesn't change a thing. It's 7 am and my eyes are almost gone. I need some rest. And Care Bears too. Damn them... Everybody loves Care Bears.
03 - Disconnected

[29 Jul 2003|02:55pm]
I'm deliberately stupid and I'm not. Rehabilitation.
History proceeding in cycles.

I'd hate to be like
Certain people I know
They break their necks
And can't afford to
Get them fixed

[28 Jul 2003|03:10am]
I am Idiocy
Idiocy is everywhere

[26 Jul 2003|06:03pm]

Stolen from wererabbitwererabbit

morally deficient
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I wanted to be in the "tree huggers" category... and btw: morally deficient? I'm the most embarrassigly "morally correct" person on this planet :/

[23 Jul 2003|06:30pm]
The usual stupid question of the day (it would be better for me to stop having any kind of relationship with the outside world, so that I wouldn't end asking myself rethorical questions everyday):

why do you ("you" is generic: I don't mean you, you or you, I don't mean any particular individual, even if this started because of a discussion with a precise person)... ok, let's start all over... why do you have to take yourself so seriously? Aren't people who take themselves seriously all the time simply ridiculous? Anything you say is an offence or an attack to their persona, any kind of comment or criticism is seen as dangerous and lethal. So they start attacking you back. And they usually have a whole arsenal filled with the most malicious intentions. The more you try to use massive doses of irony with people who always take themselves so seriously, the more you end being amazed by their total lack of understanding. It's somewhat like watching the atomic bomb imploding instead of exploding. Saying this is "missing the point" is too little to describe this attitude. I am probably not much better, and I'm really afraid this is the impression I give when reacting to someone else's actions or words. But later at least I can perceive my lack of irony and sometimes I even laugh at myself for it. It's sort of lagged irony, probably, or just another way to not feel like an idiot when I should.


[23 Jul 2003|05:49pm]
Fraud, fraud... FRAUD!
01 - Disconnected

[22 Jul 2003|02:42am]

Is it a fault to not be part of any fandom? Meaning you don't have close contacts with this fandom or you don't share the same views regarding a certain subject with its devotees. If you stay away from these things, elitist groups don't recognize your interest. They simply think you're a fake, and occasionally they even tell you, even if not very clearly. And when you find yourself in situations where you have to face the "members" of this fandom, you're looked at as an intruder, with suspicion and a sort of subtle despise.
I'm not saying that feeling you're part of a group where collective identity is a treasure is completely wrong, but the attitude of these people towards outsiders is something I really can't stand and I don't understand. Anything is there for them, anything is their possession.
The reason is I'm not sure I like being part of a specific fandom is fans themselves. Of course I can have relationships with these persons and I can feel I have something to share with them. But when it comes to following a general taste, or knowing how many times a certain person I admire blows his nose in a day, that doesn't interest me much. Does this mean I'm a fake? I have to feel things my way, see what's important for me in them, not for the other 99% of the people who like them, and be able to come to my own conclusions.
04 - Disconnected

So this is manhood [21 Jul 2003|04:01am]

Men are a plague.
If it wasn't for men, I wouldn't be receiving all these Viagra spammy messages on daily basis.

Fuck, it seems they can only think about "enlargements".
08 - Disconnected

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